Eduardo Calasanz was a student at the Ateneo Manila University,
Philippines, where he had Father Ferriols as professor. Father
Ferriols, at that time, was the Philosophy department head. Currently he
still teaches Philosophy for graduating college students in Ateneo.
Father Ferriols has been very popular for his mind opening and enriching
classes but was also notorious for the grades he gives. Still people
took his classes for the learning and deep insight they take home with
them every day (if only they could do something about the grades…)
Anyway, come grade giving time, (Ateneo has letter grading systems, the
highest being an A, lowest at D, with F for flunk), Fr Ferriols had this
long discussion with the registrar people because he wanted to give
Calasanz an A+. Either that or he doesn’t teach at all…Calasanz got
his A+. Read the paper below to find out why.
—————————————————————— PARTNERS AND MARRIAGE
By Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz
I have never met a man who didn’t want to be loved. But I have seldom
met a man who didn’t fear marriage. Something about the closure seems
constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what
it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our
lives.
When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a
mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social
acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the
logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became
embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at
older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I
imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering and could not
imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate.
And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed
to glow in each other’s presence. They seemed really in love, not just
dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other’s foibles. It was
an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can
they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the
other’s habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem
unable to even stay together, much less love each other?
The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to
the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad
relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to
succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good
relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly
in the early stages.
Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see
yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by
which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way
to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people
choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated
period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side.
This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others
deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other
apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the
presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them
from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.
The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time
friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get
to know each other’s laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each
other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before
they get swept into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality.
This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell
of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for
other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells
you how much you will enjoy each other’s company over the long term.
If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense
of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter
is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can
always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other,
you can always keep the world around you new. Beware of a relationship
in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships
based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time,
sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you
against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship
can become based on being critical together.
After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way
you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their
relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They
find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the
emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the
relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again.
If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can’t
accept, you will inevitably come to grief. Look at the way she cares for
others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love
her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not
respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the
two of you will not respect each other.
Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live
on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart
resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery
of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only
to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance
doesn’t become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated
and misunderstood.
There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all
have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and
private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you
fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of
you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves
growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share
the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives
and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of
petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and
unsatisfied with their mates.
So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner
with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take
place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a
miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word.
There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation.
Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed
becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes
spring and love becomes a child. We never question these, because we see
them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did
not know them they would be impossible to believe.
Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted
like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower
that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come.
If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you
have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed. We
are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a
marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of
the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger. It never occurred
to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness
and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the
first heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was
actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All
I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when
it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter.
But there is positive transformation as well. Like negative
transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But
instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches
of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate
presence, two separate consciousnesses come together and share a view of
life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become
one. There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a
constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to say that there is not
tension and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of every
choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers.
Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not
taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the
richness that it alone contains.
But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by
the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one.
Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared
company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriage commitment that
deepes that experience into something richer and more complex.
So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the
wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power
of transformation.
If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you
are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the
endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if
you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that
your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle
that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage
well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand
flowers will bloom…endlessly.
———————————————————-
A beautiful piece. Pls pass it on especially to the young people who
are starting to get into relationships or are in a relationship. It
would save them a lot of heartaches and bitterness down the road.
“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means you’ve
decided to see life beyond the imperfections. So, don’t Say you’re happy
because everything is alright. Be happy because everything sucks but
you’re just fine…” >-anonymous
A lot of women seem to think that they need a man in order to
feel secure or to be accepted…i may decide i want a boyfriend
someday, but i don’t need one.
Ur definitely just fading away and turning into a faint
memory…just another picture in the album…isn’t that what u wanted?
I will always think of u and smile…and be happy that for a
while i had u with me
True love is when u have to watch a friend leave, with the
knowledge that u may never get to see them again…but u know
they’ll be in ur mind and heart forever.
Don’t hold something in ur heart that u cant hold in ur arms.
There are some things in life ill never understand…like why u
listen so carefully to the one that doesn’t tell u what u
desperately want to hear…and u seem to shut out those sweet
words from one who u don’t realize really means it.
I don’t miss him…i miss who i thought he was.
No matter how long i wait for u, my wishes and dreams will never
come true…so the only thing left that I can do, is to hold in
my tears and forget about u.
I have realized to get over something, u do not need to
necessarily need to be excluded 100% from it, u just have to
realize for urself it is bad for u.
Take me as i am…or watch me as i go.
I did some thinking and i realized i don’t need u to be happy…u
were my everything and i’ve lost u…i have nothing…but if im
going to be stuck in life with nothing then i’m going to live with
nothing the best damn way i can.
Too far apart to bridge the distance, but something kept me
hanging on and on…pretending not to know the difference,
denying that what we had was gone.
I won’t hang around forever…that’s not what im about…i wont
stand in line to fall behind…that’s the kind of love i can do without.
I wanted to tell him that i will never be sorry for loving him,
that in a way i still do…maybe if we were ten years older it
would’ve worked out differently…maybe its just that im not ready
for forever and neither is he.
Saying u’ll never fall in love again is like saying u’ll never
smile again…as much as u might not want to…someones just
gonna come along and make u.
Im not saying im gone, but i have to find out what life is like without u.
What u have to realize is…if u are meant for each other love
will find a way, but if u don’t end up together that just means
there is someone more perfect waiting for u.
I’m glad ur happy…i cant say i’m completely happy for u, but i
guess that’s just a part of life…ill always have feeling for u,
but the rest of the world is forcing me to move on.
Always remember…when the pain of holding on is greater then the
pain of letting go…its time to let go.
Watching u walk out of my life doesn’t make me bitter about
love…but instead makes me realize that if i wanted so much to
be with the wrong person…how wonderful it will be when the
right one comes along.
Sometimes u have to stand alone, just to prove that u still can.
To truly love is to have the courage to walk away and let the one
who wishes to be free go…no matter how much it hurts.
Loving someone doesn’t mean u have to be with that
someone…because sometimes fate plays a fool on us, and were not
meant to be together, but still, there is love between us.
You can find Mr. Right if ur hanging on to Mr. Wrong.
Sometimes love can work out right, sometimes ull never know, but
if it brings pain into ur life, dont be afraid to let it go.
Sometimes the person u want the most in the world…is the person
ur better off without.
Im on the road to getting over u, i just hope my heart doesnt
make any pit stops along the way.
Its so important to hold onto the memories and yet sometimes u
have to wonder whether the memories are the things that are
holding u back.
Bye-bye love, ill catch u later…got a lead foot down on my
accelerator and a rear view mirror torn off because i aint ever
looking back and thats a fact.
Letting go isnt about giving up…its about accepting what cant
be.
So i think it might be time, time for me to keep on walking and
not look back…maybe it just wasnt our time to shine…ive
decided that i cant wait forever for u to make up ur mind…u had
the entire world standing right in front of u and u chose to look
the other way…it hurts, i dont deny that, but time will be my
healer…u turned out to be someone that i shouldnt want to be
with, but u had so much potential to be so much more than u are
now…and u know what? its not ok that u hurt me, but i am ok…i
deserve more and i know that now and maybe u knew that inside,
that u couldnt give me that yet…so, u set me free…we wouldve
been so great, u would have never wished for more than i wouldve
given u…but u never gave it a chance…so now ull never know
what couldve been…maybe someday ull regret it, maybe someday
ull think it was the best decision u ever made, but maybe someday
ull see me walking, smiling and happy, along side someone whos
also smiling and happy because he has my heart…maybe then ull
stop and realize what ur missing…cause someday, someone is
going to thank u for letting me go.
The only thing that changed was my mind. -Laurie Nedvin
Its so hard to lose the one u love, to finally have to stay
good-bye…u try to be strong, but the pain keeps holding on and
all u can do is cry…deep within ur heart u know its time to
move on, when the fairy tale u once knew is gone.
Everything is meant to be but not everything is meant to last.
Nothing dries sooner than a tear. [Lat., Nihil enim lacryma
citius arescit.]
When u do everything u can, sometimes more then u thought u
should, uve got to walk away knowing u fought the good fight.
Learn to say no to the good so u can say yes to the best.
-John Maxwell
But u had ur back turned as u faded away at the end of my day i
found out u werent worth what i thought of u.
Id rather bleed from the cuts of love, than live with no scars.
Sometimes the people we thought we couldnt live without, were
actually the ones who stopped us from living.
BEFORE - You take my breath away AFTER - I feel likeI’m suffocating
BEFORE - Twice a night AFTER - Twice a month
BEFORE - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation AFTER - She calls me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac
BEFORE - Don’t stop AFTER - Don’t start
BEFORE - Is that all you’re having? AFTER - Maybe you should have just a salad, honey
BEFORE - It’s like I’m living in a dream AFTER - It’s like she lives in a dorm
BEFORE - 60 Euro/doz. AFTER - 1.50 Euro/stem
BEFORE - We agree on everything AFTER - Doesn’t she have a mind of her own?
BEFORE - La Perla, Victoria’s Secret AFTER - Fruit-of-the-Loom, So-En
BEFORE - Idol AFTER - Idle
BEFORE - I love a woman with curves AFTER - I never said you were fat
BEFORE - Time stood still AFTER - This relationship is going nowhere
BEFORE - Croissant and cappuccino AFTER - Bagel and instant
BEFORE - You look so seductive in black AFTER - Your clothes are so depressing
BEFORE - Oysters AFTER - Fishsticks
BEFORE - Passion AFTER - Ration
BEFORE - Once upon a time AFTER - The end
Relationships are one of the most complex aspects of our lives. To decide to end up a relationship when you fall out of love is easier than being caught in the middle. Middle of what? Between your mind and heart, of course! This is what I’m going to deal now: loving your partner but for some reasons, you are confused, perhaps, pathetic?!
So, are you having this “too good to leave, too bad to stay” dilemma?? Please read on.
I think it is time I let you go, and that is so hard to do because some part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life, but the daydreaming, the running in place .. it’s not healthy. So this is me, cutting the cord. This is me, doing what I should have done eight months ago … saying goodbye.” -
Dawsons Creek
“I don’t know if I should end up our relationship”, Gianna confided sadly as we were having our cappuccino together. “Are you happy with your relationship?” I asked her searching for a glint of joy in her blue eyes. She fumbled her fingers inside her bag looking for her pack of cigarette as she answerd with confusion in her voce: ” I am sure I love him but he is always hurting me. He doesn’t trust me. He is controlling my life… what to wear, where I go, what I eat. I feel I’m loosing my identity.”
I continued listening as I stir up the froth of my cappuccino. The sensual bubbles popping in and out aroused my personal experiences and memories…where I’ve learned my mistakes and the real facts of life!
Being in a relationship is not an easy thing. It requires effort and commitment of both partners. One person can’t carry it alone. There should be a mutual attraction (physical, sexual, intellectual, etc), respect, interest, compromise etc.
When one of these factors is missing, be ready for trouble.
You might even try to save a relationship because you love the person who is not receptive but I think such attempts will be doomed to fail . Even if you will succeed, you will feel a tremendous toll that drags you down the dumps!
Do you know when to break up? It can be a very dismal area, especially if you have invested a lot of time and emotions in your relationship.
I will try to cite out some points which I think are very important to consider whether to cut off or continue; to leave or to stay.
1. Physical abuse: Hitting. Slapping. Punching. Kicking. Shoving/Pushing. Quick, get out now! If you are a masochist, stay!
2. Verbal abuse. Common in many relationships, especially among teenagers. If you are constantly being put down by someone - break up! If you are too proud and feel like God, then you need this kind of humiliation, stay!
3. No Respect. If there is no mutual respect in your relationship, if you are disillusioned or disgusted by your partner, the work to gain that respect back is very difficult to achieve. Leave! If you are dumb, stay!
4. No Trust. If you do not trust your partner or vice-versa, imagine how many arguments and sleepless nights you both will have. Who needs that? If you can’t forgive each other’s transgressions, then resentment will gradually replace love. Leave. If you suffer from insomnia, stay!
5. No fun together. A relationship that’s no fun is dead. Leave. If you are suicidal, stay!
6. No shared goals and dreams. If you aren’t planning to spend your future together, something’s terribly wrong. Take off! Are you commitmentphobe?, stay!
I believe a relationship should enhance your life, not drain it. You’ll do a lot more good giving yourself to someone who’s more receptive to what you have to offer and who genuinely appreciates you for it.
If you’re spending your relationship fighting resistance more than sharing love, you’re probably better off letting it go and embracing a relationship that will provide greater mutual rewards for less work or live alone!
I added two sachets of sugar, stirring like creating tsunami whirlpools in my cup of cappuccino. Slowly, my lips meet the rim of my cup, smelling its rich aroma. Savoring its reinvigorating concoction, I held Gianna’s hand and said:
“Unless you have one love, big faith, and endless hope which supersedes everything, no matter what the circumstances are, you will find your answer. But then again, can you love enough to go willingly insane?”
If you are going to ask me, honestly: “I can not!”
The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.” -
Mother Teresa
When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” -
Helen Keller
The hottest love has the coldest end.” -
Socrates
When loving hearts are separated, not the one which is exhaled to heaven, but the survivor, it is which tastes the sting of death.” -
Duchesse de Praslin
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.” -
Kahlil Gibran
In a separation it is the one who is not really in love who says the more tender things.” -
Marcel Proust
“Lovers may break our hearts, but only love can truly heal it.” -
Les Vierges
To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.” -
Bess Myerson
We are never so helplessly unhappy as when we lose love.”
-
Freud
Let no one who loves be unhappy. Even love unreturned has it’s rainbow.”
-
James Matthew Barrie
“Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.”
-
Charlie Brown
“Pains of love be sweeter far than all the other pleasures are.”
-
John Dryden
“Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.”
-
Comte DeBussy-Rabutin
“To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose, the next best.”
-
William M. Thackeray
“To continue loving someone when there is no promise of that love thriving- that is romance.”
- Anonymous
“Faults are thick when love is thin.”
-
Jo Petty
“The loss of love is not nearly as painful as our resistance to accepting it is.” -
Tigress Luv
“Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.” - Anonymous
“Better never to have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there.” -
Otomo No Yakamochi
When you break up, your whole identity is shattered. It’s like death.” -
Dennis Quaid
Take a second out to think about this: in your life you search and search for the right person for you. Every time you break up with someone you get one step closer to that person. You should look at moving on as getting closer to meeting the one.” -
Ian Philpot
I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don’t know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I’ll break up with someone on purpose.” -
Rita Rudner
Americans, who make more of marrying for love than any other people, also break up more of their marriages, but the figure reflects not so much the failure of love as the determination of people not to live without it.” -
Morton Hunt
Families break up when people take hints you don’t intend and miss hints you do intend” .-
Robert Frost
I liked you because you could make me smile. I fell in love with you because you made me want to be a better person. Now that you’re leaving me, what am I supposed to do?” -
Lisa Gilbert
And I don’t regret the rain, or the nights I felt the pain, or the tears I had to cry some of those times along the way. Every road I had to take, every time my heart would break; it was just something that I had to get through, to get me to you.” -
Hope Floats
You gotta be fair to her. She loves you and if you don’t love her then you have to go tell her.” -
Jerry Maguire
Never knew how quickly I would go from someone that you loved to someone you used to know.” -
Collin Raye
Life is not the way it’s supposed to be. It’s the way it is. The way you deal with it is what makes the difference.” -
Virginia Satir
The roads of life are strewn with the wreckage of run-down, half-finished loves.” -
Ralph W. Sockman
They say love is right around the corner. I must be walking in circles.” - Unknown
I die inside a little more each time you replace me.” -Unknown
If time ever told me that I could only have one last thing to say to you, one final plea to try and make you understand how it is I feel, it wouldn’t be ‘I love you.’ It wouldn’t be ‘this was all pre-destined.’ And it wouldn’t be ‘one day you’ll regret this decision.’ Although it would be heart wrenching, I would look into your eyes and say ‘to love is to find freedom in its truest sense. And I would only hope one day you are able to let yourself be enveloped by the full intensity of that emotion.’ Those would be my final words of good-bye to you. It is only then that hope will have finally faded away and courage would help me go on. But always know a part of me will say: ’soul wants you, heart needs you. For you I am willing to try.” - Unknown
When these days are gone, when all the love we gave to each other slowly fades away, when your beautiful smile is only here as a dream, and when the words ‘I love you’ are scripts of the past, I will always have the memories that were once moments, and I will always know that no matter what, I got the chance to be loved by you.” - Unknown
Many of us sit in the back seat of life and let someone else do all the driving. That’s okay if you don’t care where the car’s going. To set the course in the direction you want to go, you have to take the wheel. You have to drive.” -
Judy Mae
When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” -
When Harry Met Sally
Hearts will never be made practical until they are made unbreakable.”
Wizard of Oz
I never knew it hurt so much to lose something you never really had.” -
The Wonder Years
In our young lives we search for someone to love, someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope all the while wondering if somewhere and somehow there is someone searching for us.” -
The Wonder Years
The course of true love never did run smooth.” -
William Shakespeare
“There is a big difference between thinking: I’m in a relationship and something’s wrong. Therefore something must be wrong with the relationship, and thinking: I’m in a relationship and we’ve got problems. This is evidence that you are different than me. ” -
There is no turning back now
I do not regret anything for I know in my heart I was only being real and honest on how I felt but there comes a time when i realizeD that it I AM GETTING NOWHERE and if I continue this foolishness, I WILL BE THE ONE LEFT BEHIND.
I was not expecting anything…I knew where I stand right from the start! I NEED TO WAKE UP NOW and see things as they are. I can’t be a prisoner of my past for the future ahead of me lies waiting…I do not know where the road I am taking will lead me, but I know for sure I do not want to stay where I am now.
This is not easy for me, but I have to do it for myself. I sound selfish, but I NEED TO DO THIS!
Salamat sa tanan…
salamat sa kalipay ug kasakit
salamat sa mga katawa ug mga pagbakho
salamat pero murag dili na jud kaya sa akong dughan…
Hinaut unta nga imo nang makit-an ang imong gipangita ug i-ampo ko sa Ginoo nga matuman mo ang tanan nimong pangandoy ug tinguha.
A long time ago, there was an Emperor who told his horseman that if he could ride on his horse and cover as much land area as he likes, then the Emperor would give him the area of land he has covered.
Sure enough, the horseman quickly jumped onto his horse and rode as fast as possible to cover as much land area as he could. He kept on riding and riding, whipping the horse to go as fast as possible. When he was hungry or tired, he did not stop because he wanted to cover as much area as possible.
Came to a point when he had covered a substantial area and he was exhausted and was dying. Then he asked himself, ”Why did I push myself so hard to cover so much land area? Now I am dying and I only need a very small area to bury myself.”
The above story is similar with the journey of our Life. We push very hard everyday to make more money, to gain power and recognition. We neglect our health , time with our family and to appreciate the surrounding beauty and the hobbies we love.
One day when we look back , we will realize that we don’t really need that much, but then we cannot turn back time for what we have missed.
Life is not about making money, acquiring power or recognition . Life is definitely not about work! Work is only necessary to keep us living so as to enjoy the beauty and pleasures of life. Life is a balance of Work and Play, Family and Personal time. You have to decide how you want to balance your Life. Define your priorities, realize what you are able to compromise but always let some of your decisions be based on your instincts. Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of Life, the whole aim of human existence.
So, take it easy, do what you want to do and appreciate nature. Life is fragile, Life is short. Do not take Life for granted. Live a balanced lifestyle and enjoy Life!
Watch your thoughts ; they become words. Watch your words ; they become actions. Watch your actions ; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character . Watch your character; it becomes your destiny .
Are you aware that if we die tomorrow, we could be easily replaced at work? But the family we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.
So, why do we pour ourselves more into work than into our own families? Invest your time wisely…
Before you go away To the one you do belong So glad we met and you stayed Though it wasn’t very long Was it only just a dream Its over now it seems If there were no goodbyes Would you say that you still care I won’t believe my eyes When I see you won’t be there ‘Cause this love so hard to find Now you’re leavin’ me behind Oh please
CHORUS: Show me and tell me How do you put this love aside (And) Put it away for another time With no guarantee that you’ll be mine A fool I am it seems ‘Cause I’ll been lovin’ you in my dreams Until I wake up and I find out That time ain’t our friend I’ll just stay a fool till the end
(Till the end, I’ll be a fool) (Till I find its me and you) If it only was game Why’d you have to fool my heart Oh boy ain’t it a shame That we promised from the start That our love was here to stay For each and everyday If I had only known And if I didn’t have to care Then being all alone It wouldn’t be so hard to bear This love so hard to find That we’re leavin’ here behind Oh please
Repeat chorus
I maybe over acting I know I must stay strong But you pulled the string too hard And now we’re going on our own
By J.A. Espiritu
Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 02:42:00 09/20/2008
I have never really believed there’s such a thing as a quarter-life crisis,
until I felt the stirrings of one in my very ordinary life. A couple of
years ago, I wrote about how I was enjoying what I was doing and how noble
and gratifying my work was. Today my work remains noble and gratifying, and
I still enjoy what I do—sometimes. But in the past year, I have had visions
of what I’d like my future to be: those silent, insistent fantasies of a
better life, the restless call to a free spirit. I have made it a point to
live my life minus the what-ifs. But on dull weekend afternoons when I just
want to shut my mind off from the work on my table, I find myself thinking
about those many what-ifs in my life.
Looking back now, I cannot blame anyone for the decisions I have made. I’m
repeating a cliché here that many people have used once or twice: We are
responsible for the decisions we make and the life we lead.
Several months ago, I was updating myself on my high school friends’ lives
(thanks to Friendster) and learned that two of them graduated from medical
school last March. The last time we met, we were talking about our
professions, medical school and our love life (or the lack of it). Now,
everyone was addressing them as “Doctor.” It made me think of the college
application I had filled up many, many years ago. My dad wanted me to take
up Biology and go to med school but I was hell-bent on taking a course I
was interested in. What would have happened if I had heeded his advice?
Then, there are my two other friends who have just finished their graduate
studies overseas. It hadn’t occurred to me that two years had already
passed and they had finished their graduate programs until I saw their
graduation pictures. When they first told me about going abroad to study, I
felt that two years would be so long and I would rather spend the time
earning money. Now I wonder if I should have accomplished that application
for overseas study when I had the chance.
Three of my other college friends are working abroad, each with her own
family. They’re doing well, I’ve heard.
Another friend took the plunge and quit her job a couple of years ago. She
joined an exchange volunteer program and a year later, she seems to be
enjoying her life, taking things easy and slowing down, without any
pressure to join the rat race.
I used to have the same dreams: of traveling, learning new things, meeting
different people, being exposed to different cultures, and building a name
for myself in a place where I am indispensable. Now I wonder what happened
to those dreams and if I will ever have the chance to pursue them. When
will I ever have the guts to go for something that I want?
I must admit I’m a bit of a coward and definitely not a risk-taker. So in
hindsight, I don’t have the right to be asking myself this question and
wondering what my life might have been. Much of what my life is now is a
product of the decisions I made. Now I wonder about the wisdom of my
rebellious decision to take the course I wanted. Perhaps I should have
heeded my dad. But then again, I wonder if I would have been happy in the
end.
Am I happy now? I’m happy that I have my independence. I’m happy that I can
pay my bills and go on a shopping spree every now and then. I’m happy that
I’m not working 48 hours straight, which would be the case had I gone to
med school. I’m happy that my bank account is stable, which wouldn’t be the
case if I had spent two years studying abroad on a scholarship. And I’m
happy that, despite being eight hours away from home, I’m still close
enough to my family, which wouldn’t be the case if I were working abroad
and earning greenbacks.
But why do I feel like I am in a rut?
I suppose human beings are naturally insatiable. We hunger for so many
things and we can’t be satisfied with the things we have. Some time in our
lives, we long for something else, something better. I guess this is the
reason there are rich people in this world. No one wants to be poor,
everyone wants a better life for himself.
Assuming I’m wrong about human nature, I must be just a restless character.
Like the air, I need to move around, not get stuck in one place where I
will become stagnant. Like a bird (pardon the cliché again), I need to
spread my wings and fly. Or perhaps this is just a phase, if there really
is a quarter-life crisis wherein people like me at the height (or low) of
their career are haunted by their childhood dreams and idealism. Perhaps
this is just a period people go through, a time to take stock of what they
have and think about what they would like to be in the next 25 years.
Or this could simply be a case of discontent. I am probably torn between
leaving my comfort zone and going after something uncertain, and just
settling for what the present has to offer and trying to find comfort in
it.
I often think about my doctor-friends, my friends who have just finished
their graduate studies, my friends who are working abroad and my other
friend who is just taking things easy. I wonder if they have any regrets
about the paths they took and the “losses” they had to absorb before
reaching their destinations.
Another cliché comes to mind (I must have read this a hundred times in
different books): Life is all about choices. I suppose my doubts and
restlessness won’t go away unless I finally make a good choice. But is
there really a right choice? Some time between now and the next five years,
before I make another major decision in my life, I need to sit down and
think about what I would like to become and how I would like the rest of my
life to be.
Perhaps the first step is to learn from the stories of these friends of
mine. As they say, the grass always looks greener on the other side of the
fence. Perhaps I’m missing something about the realities of that other
side. If their stories cannot teach me the value of plunging into the
unknown, then I hope they will teach me the value of being satisfied with
and grateful for the things I have.
J.A. Espiritu is taking her master’s at the University of the Philippines,
Los Baños, while teaching at the same university.
Last night was very weird, I had a very interesting dream…
I woke up with a smile and I knew, today was going to be special and I will be smiling all day!
(which happened to be very true, my entire day was so good!)
For some, they may actually say “so what if you had one silly dream that made you smile the whole day?”, but it really was so eye-opening and very beautiful that I woke up and felt motivated to start up my day! (which I haven’t felt for a VERY LONG TIME!)
I wish I could give you the details of my dream, but I personally would want to keep to myself instead. I could not contain how I felt…
You see, for how many days now, something has been eating my conscience out. I became very confused with so many things and there were things I could not understand… but after last night, I had a much clearer vision of what I really want and what I really needed I am not sure if that dream will ever come true, even if deep in my heart I wish it will come true, I am happy I had that dream and I even believe God sent me that message to ease my heart and mind…
well, I can share you the lesson I’ve learned…
that the ones who wait with patience will be justly rewarded…
How I wish everyone a good and restful sleep… sweet dreams!
How I wish everyone a good and restful sleep… sweet dreams!